Alice Magelssen ran off to join the circus but was returned in disgrace by three irate clowns and the lion tamer. Don’t ask. She ran off to sea only to realize that she has a debilitating case of thalassophobia. She joined a convent but soon discovered that nuns are much less musical than “The Sound of Music” and “Sister Act” had led her to believe. All other options exhausted, she settled down to a life of respectability as a stage manager and production manager in Chicago.